Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I FOUND THE LEGS
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
