we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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