I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
