If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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