Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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