Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
