a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
