At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
