allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
