What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
