my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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