where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
