i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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