wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
