I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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