Say something about gay babies.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
