DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Houston, we have a blender
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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