I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
