as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
