There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
