Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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