I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
