highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
