Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
