we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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