you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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