My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
