We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
