i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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