This dress was meant to end up on your floor
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
