plz talk dirty to me
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
