when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
