I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
