is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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