i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
