its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
