Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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