The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You made out with two different species that night
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
