Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
