hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
