I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
