I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
