Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
