Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
