Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We are two peas in an std pod
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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