I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
