Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
