You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
