Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
