There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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