Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
