Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
