I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
