its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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